Women Helping Women
Over the course of my career, I’ve come to believe that there are basically two types of women: those who open doors for other women - and those who close doors.
Let me tell you a little about a female boss I had once named “Patricia” (name has been changed to protect her identity).
After leading a big company success, Patricia looked me in the eye and told me: “You do a good job, but no one here likes you.”
I was shocked by this feedback, which felt deeply personal and wildly unprofessional. Patricia was one of those women whose behavior seemed to say: “Being a woman here has been hard for me, so I’m going to make it hard for you, too. I’m not giving you any breaks.”
When women act this way to other women, it’s referred to as the “Tug of War” bias. Often people from non-majority groups feel competition with each other for what they perceive is the one spot on the team for people like them.
When I hear of women using their power in this way, it makes me furious; we should be helping each other succeed.
In contrast, let me tell you about my favorite door-opener: Dr. Kathleen MacArthur. Kathleen is the sponsor who helped me make my big break at MIT.
Kathleen, as a Dean, noticed me trying to innovate in engineering education and reached out every couple of months and invited me for lunch. She listened to the challenges I was facing and helped me interpret the political landscape on campus. Kathleen connected me to helpful people and advised me on how to navigate tricky terrain with a competitor on campus.
Over the years, Kathleen and I got to know each other personally. She’s become more than just a mentor - she’s a dear friend. I consider her one of my greatest cheerleaders when I hit roadblocks in my life. Kathleen represents the kind of door-opener I aim to be.
As a coach, I aim to share tips with my clients that helped me launch four startups (and be a mom). It is my greatest gift to reveal a few hacks I learned that will help you accelerate your progress.
Even if you don’t identify as being female, I encourage you to ask yourself how you can help under-represented folks win? How can you be an ally and supporter? I hope you choose to be more like Kathleen than Patricia. We need more door-openers in this world.
